According to Someone in the Know
My wife and I
are not imbedded members of any level of the social scene. Thus we were naïve
as to what constitutes a proper response when we received a wedding invitation from
relatives on our extended family tree. We had never met the groom-to-be, and
have met the blood-relative bride-to-be on perhaps a half-dozen times. We decided
not to fly across the country to attend the wedding back east, so we acquired a
proper card and sent a reasonably sized check to them on September 19, 2012. They
cashed it immediately.
Five months passed,
and when we hadn’t received even a one-line thank you note, I was curious what
to do, if anything. I contacted a more knowledgeable family member who had
undoubtedly given a more generous gift, had attended the wedding, and was likely
involved in her own social milieu. When I
asked if she had heard from the newlyweds, she said that she had received a
thank you card a while back.
When I mentioned
that we had not, that “someone in the know” emphatically informed me that the
recipients are not expected to send everyone a thank you note so soon. Moreover,
she stated it is considered proper for them to respond within a year because newlyweds
have so much on their minds.
I also have much
on my mind, and the next time I receive a wedding invitation, I will not rush out
to acquire a card and write a check, even if it is only a reasonable one.
Perhaps just a card will be sufficient, and I will decide on that, since now I
am someone in the know.
Ironically, I received
a call from the bride’s father on the anniversary of the date that the check
was cashed. I casually mentioned that his daughter’s anniversary is approaching
and I have a bone to pick with her. He intuitively said, “They didn’t send you
a thank you, did they?” When I confirmed his suspicion, he was a trifle upset.
A few days later I received a thank you card from him, and he signed his
daughter’s name.
If I celebrate
the couple’s nuptials at all, it will not be on the anniversary of their
wedding date, but on the date when I receive their thank you note.
PS: After our
grandniece’s Bat Mitzvah, the thirteen-year-old immediately sent us a thoughtful,
hand-written thank you note for our gift.
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